The real struggle begins

So today I am officially homeless. Since I left jail, I have been in search for a job in order to try and get my life going on track again. I was able to find somewhere to stay last night, thank God but now is the beginning of my true struggle, Wednesday I called around to all the halfway houses and they are all full. TLC on southern told me to call them today so hopefully they have a bed available. Who I’m staying with reminds me of the bruttle rotation of addiction. I am thankful I am no longer in it but all I’ve been hearing is I want to get high. So glad those days are over for me. But then I’ve been hearing about how many people she knows who do meth. I am so glad its over. I went to an interview on Friday and am hoping and praying that I get it. I’ve been to many interviews but no one will hire me because of my felony. This is killing me. Anyways I’ll post again when I have some more stuff to get off my chest. Take care of yourself, God bless and amen! P.s. I’m not religious but have a relationship with our Lord.

Thurs. Oct 10 2019

Good morning! Well today is class and lucky me, I am picked to go in and drug test lol. So I figure I am going to do my morning stuff and go catch the bus and stop of at drug testing first because that always seems to take the longest and from there, maybe grab some lunch and then head on my merry way to class. Class is still stupid but I am using as networking, my Tuesday class, an older lady, her son died last year, God bless amen, and her and I got to talking. Of course, I bring up my van and we are going on and on, mind you this is during class when the teacher was counting the money. But she brought some things last Tuesday, clothing articles as well as a almost brand new pair of nikes. God bless her, she is an absolute dear and I appreciate everything that everybody is doing to help me. God bless, amen! Also Tuesday, another lady talked to me about a place to live with a guy who also lives in Mesa but is renting out a room. We didn’t go much into that but I think we should have. I am hoping that everything works out at Darlas because I got comfortable here but of course when ever I get comfortable, something has to happen. I am waiting for it but also trying to be proactive of the situation and have something set up. God bless, amen! But figure I am going to get ready now so I may post again today but also may not. I love the Lord and everybody he has put into my life, on a positive note. God bless, amen! Ive uploaded a picture of them spiffy looking shoes, take a look!

Wednesday Oct. 9th 2019

Hey, so I just came from an interview and I think it went exceptionally well. Showed up early and spoke with the manager who showed me all through the shop. It’s for a permanent part time position which is awesome. The housing is still undetermined if I can stay where I am staying. God bless, I hope it works out but He has a plan for me and I have accepted that. On my way to the library for some more research and possibly write another book. I met a lady who works with the publishing company and is working with me. I already have one story written which I already sent her so we will see what happens. Anyways life is good, it’s a struggle but love the struggle right? It brings out character. Anyways God bless, amen!

Monday 10/7/2019

Hey, I don’t have much to share but I have to take a shit lol plus I am hungry. OK, well Darla turned in my information so they are doing a background check and my age are factors that may cause me from staying there. I have a meeting with the housing specialist Wednesday, after her meeting which is cool. My digital work is coming along to me finding something but He is not making it easy. If it was easy everybody would be doing right? I have joined some more groups on Facebook for digital work so I am hoping that all this pays off which it will in the long run. But today I was able to cash my check and have all my fines paid for the month. Next is rent and phone bill but I need to figure out if I am staying there to pay her rent or to … I don’t know but I have to figure out whats going on and really quick. I don’t think my phone is due until the 11th so maybe a couple more days. I love beautiful people! I am getting a stomach ache so I really need to take the browns to the Superbowl hahaha Last week the UPS store called me while I was in a meeting and I did not have anything to write with so I think I am going to miss the interview. No, I wont! I’ll call them soon and figure that shit out! Ok maybe post again tonight, we’ll see but I have to leave a crap and am hungry so God bless, amen!

Friday 10/4/19

Hey I dont have much to say … well I guess maybe a little. Today was good day, I spent all day with an old friend and it was an absolute pleasure! Woke up 630am this morning and walked to Mcdonalds to meet her. While I was sitting in there, a gentleman sat directly accross from me, which is unusual but it was morning and I am no morning person. He then proceeded to ask me what app I was playing, I downloaded and new app where I make words with letters given to me. I told him but I saw what he was trying to do and it worked. Start conversation, so we started talking about … my past year and what a struggle that I have been going through. Then somehow we started talking about his career which he is an RN and has been for 29 years. He also runs some kind of business with … asphalt I believe but then he seemed interested in employing me mind you this is early in the morning and again I am not a morning person. So we exchanged numbers and just as we did, my friend showed up, I introduced her and continued little talk which just so happen to be about pot, go figure. We then left and did all kinds of running around today but we made it to the river twice today! When we arrived at the river this morning, I started immediately picking up trash, like I use to but there is so much it was disgusting. But picked up trash and walked for a good while and caught up. We then did other things all over Mesa as well as Apache Junction. Then our visit to the river again, in the afternoon, was more or less relaxing. Sat at the shore and just talked and played with her dog. Its funny because a gentleman down the beach asked if I had a light, which I did, I do smoke cancer sticks so I handed it to him. He lit up a blunt and offered it to me and I replied “No thank you, I do appreciate the offer though” He then walked away and continued the visit. We had a nice dinner and kind of ending up the day with some good company and some laughter. So I am back to where I am staying and tired, I know its only 8:20 in the evening but I woke up early. So I figure smoke a cancer stick, shower and lay down. I read the bible everyday so don’t think I don’t. Lord and I have a special relationship just as everyone else should but He has absolutely blessed my life as it goes on. So be safe and have a great night! God bless, amen!

Thursday 10/3/2019

Hey there, so today was … I was amazingly blessed! To start off this morning, my Aunt Kari, who is amazing, sent me an Uber gift card through my email which she purchased earlier but I did not receive the email. I got it and thank you so much for everything Aunt Kari, someday I will see you! I was working a side job this week and it was fun, did landscaping. Easy work but I was blessed to be able to get this work. Thank you John, he dropped me off at circle k and I caught the bus to my Arizona dads place to meet up with his wife and we worked on my resume which I turned in later. We then went and met my Doug, he had just come back from the east coast. He was on another business trip but thats all over and his class, which he is teaching, is starting next week I believe. We had lunch, his wife and I were arguing over where he was going to sit because I talk to him more than her lol it was a laughter confrontation but then I caught the bus to class. Class today was so stupid but one of the ladys in there works for a large bitcoin … bitcoin person. I guess he owns a bitcoin mining farm in Northern Arizona and another building in Phoenix. She was talking about investing in it last week and today I asked her about it. She was telling me she was thinking of doing it because the only vehicles that show up to the building in Rolls Royce and Bentleys. I told her to do it, it will be the best investment and choice she will make her whole life and that she would not regret it. But after class was over, I caught the bus back and got off early and went into an Ice shop that I had talked to yesterday at lunch and they seemed to want to hire me then but I spoke up before they could really say anything saying “I’ll bring in my resume tomorrow” which I did. After they saw the title manager, I had never seen someone so excited, professionally, about talking to their manager. When I was in class, I also got a call from the UPS store which I applied at this previous Tuesday. What an amazement! I then caught the bus to the end and walked to the corner waiting for an old time friend to meet up and go have dinner. So I called Washington dad and talked with him for a half hour and I NEED to talk to my housing specialist ASAP but she is off Fri, Sat. and Sunday. But I have some exciting news to share with her, again, today was such a blessing in so many ways. I absolutely believe in divine timing because tomorrow, Darla is turning in my information for them to do a background check on me and I am pretty sure they are going to tell me that I have to go. I walked back to where I am currently staying and started my computer. I checked my email and I received an email helping me apply to national writers and editors. OMG Legitimate virtual work, Lord thank you! I applied, sending in my sample writing which I wrote the night I got arrested. Everything happens for a reason but looking at their pay grade, I would have made 80 dollars off of 15 minutes of writing. I will upload here in a bit so ya’ll can take a look. Life is amazing and I am so happy to be here and have such amazing people in my life! I have an early morning tomorrow so I am going to smoke my last smoke for night, shower and hit the hay. So everybody, have a great night and sleep so good that it makes a sleeping baby jealous 😉 anyways God bless and amen!

Wednesday 10/2/19

Hey there, I apologize for stopping writing for sometime but got really busy …. well kinda and lost interest in this but someone very special in my life contacted me and told me I should continue so why not? Ok, so I am helping a gentleman with landscaping and moving now in the mornings which is fun and gives me something to do. I am still looking for housing which is becoming VERY important. Right now I am at the library using their computers to look for work and housing. I got a housing specialist from Terros helping me out as well but everybody is turning me down. The struggle is so real that its ridiculous! Yesterday in my new class, I felt like I was helping the teacher teach! Where I am going now is “old school” compared to Terros. I messaged my probation officer after telling her that this class is a joke and she needs to contact Mesa and recommend that they switch to Terros because they have a more positive environment, like they WANT to help you where as this place now just wants money. I do miss Terros but it is what it is. Figure, after I am done here am going to catch the bus down the road and walk to a car wash and apply. Housing … I am still stuck with EXTREMELY limited time. I am not sure exactly where I am going or what I am going to do when it comes time for me to leave but I feel the Lord will guide me. I will get back to posting daily, I will not promise because I do not like breaking promises but will try my best! God bless, amen!

Wednesday 9/25/2019

You can tell people are coming back, I left this morning to head to the church to talk to them and *amn near got hit, twice! Bad drivers are coming back but thankfully I didn’t. I went to the church to talk to them about work but at call centers but it went a totally different direction, I got more resources.. or phone numbers to call for resources. I am so thankful for people that are willing to help me. But our conversation started with call center work and quickly went to other resources and then back to my van. There is no way I can afford to get my van back but she is so determined to find it, God bless! Then I was at the library all day where I applied, learned and looked for more housing options. I sure hope divine timing happens, I have class tomorrow afternoon and figure when I head that way, I’ll stop by taco bell and ask them how my application process is going. I’ve been battling a headache all day and it really sucks anyways that’s all for now, so I’ll talk to y’all later. Take care of yourselves, God bless and amen!

Monday 9/23/2019

Today was ok day, I dont have much to say. I am so thankful, this morning a housing person contacted me and now we have an appointment to meet on Sunday and she said she is going to have multiple resources for me including housing and work. I am so thankful for that and it’s funny because right after I asked the Lord for someone to contact me about housing and I got that phone call. God bless, amen! Tomorrow I have my first class around 3pm so I’m going to hang here most of the day and I am hoping this class doesnt suck as much as the “mood” or “feelings” do. My first location for classes was a warm and welcoming mood and this place is a “give me your money and wait” type of mood. I understand recovery at my first location but this one … nope i dont feel the feeling of recovery at all. But everything is already set, by Him and I shall do my best to follow. The weather recently has been rainy and windy and most people of Arizona love it but I on the other hand hate it. Well I don’t hate because in order to hate you have to care but I dislike it much. I know in my first writi…. typings I said I would cover some stuff later and I remember typing that. Figure tomorrow, I’ll open up my computer and re read some of those and start to tell you about some of those things. I have more thoughts in my head but I am not going to share details on them other than I have more thoughts. Ummm ya I’m going to shower and hit the hay so everybody have a goodnight. God bless, amen!

Saturday 9/21/2019

Well today was an interesting one. I woke up and started doing my chores and while I was doing them I thought of an old friend and wondered if I had her number in my phone which I did! We talked for an hour and a half which is crazy because I hate talking on the phone but she is living my dream! Back when she lived nearby, we used to hang every so often and it was always pleasant visiting with her. She sold her house and bought a tear drop trailer and started traveling the states. She makes it to some locations and cleans up while staying there with her pup. I’m jealous as all get out and I told her that I would be joining her within the next ten years. I need to get all this legal mumbo jumbo complete, make some money and buy either an RV or van and then convert the van into an RV. But I could only imagine the fun we would have! She was telling me about the hikes she was taking or had already taken and some of the natural wonders that she had seen. Again, I’m so jealous! But after that I called drug testing and was to be tested today so I immediately got on my bike and headed to the bus stop. On my way to the bus stop I remembered I had not turned the AC up so I turned back to make it here to turn it up. I then made it to the bus stop, waiting for the bus to pick me up I had in mind that drug testing closed at their normal time of 9pm so I wasnt sweating it. Got on the bus and a pleasant conversation with the bus driver, learned he was going to be on the same bus for 10 hours today! Crazy! But got to the stop nearest drug testing and hopped off. Before I left I grabbed something my Doug’s wife had loaned me, to take back to them after testing so my backpack was kind of filled. In my backpack I carry some of my court paperwork, dmv paperwork, drug class paperwork both old and new , bike lock and of course my bible. So I was trying to plan out my journey today while on the bus, hopped off, grabbed my bike and headed to drug testing. I locked up my bike and walked to their door. It was locked! I looked in the window and saw people in there and thought “what the *uck!” So I tried the door again but with a little more force. Somebody got up and opened the door for me saying they were closed and I was shocked! Shocked and worried because I fear going back to jail and being around *ucking idiots! Especially when I am trying everything in my power to do right for the courts and myself. It’s like 5 steps forward only to take 3 steps back, was my thinking. I was worried so I called my probation officer 3-5 times and no answer! So I text her and then headed to the bus stop to go back to my Doug’s road. Got to his place and helped with some of his chores before he has to leave town for business…. ok I’m tired so I’m done writ… typing. Have a goodnight and stay safe! God bless, amen!